*taps chalkboard with a yardstick*

Wakey-wakey!  Time for lesson number one!  This is the lesson that spurred the whole idea of writing this book.  Today I'm going to give you my formula for writing creative - and oft-times hilarious - insults that you can use regardless of the age of your readership.

I use this formula all the time, to the point that it is now second nature.

The general formula is "multi-syllable adjective + unexpected noun = bewildering yet amusing insult".

Let's get started!

The Adjective Component

Adjectives are words that describe things.  Flakey.  Cold.  Iridescent.  Those all all adjectives.

For your insult, you first need to pick a good adjective.  Stick to adjectives that are incredibly descriptive in themselves; words that really induce a mental image.  You want an adjective that is also multi-syllable or hyphenated.  Single-syllable adjectives don't have the same pop to them.

Some examples of good adjectives to use in your insults are:

~Irresponsible
~Constipated
~Under-cooked
~Half-Baked
~Overstuffed
~Dilapidated
~Inflatable
~Repurposed
~Uneducated
~Tone-deaf

They're often negative in connotation but not exclusively.

The Noun Component

This is the fun part!

A noun is a person, place, or thing.  In the case of Creative Insults, you want to pick a thing.  It can be just about anything, but the best ones are nouns that are not mundane and have multiple syllables.

Some examples of prime nouns for insults:

~Salad
~Giraffe
~Cantaloupe
~Orangutan
~Hippo (I recommend not using hippopotamus... multiple syllables are good but this is pushing it)
~Eggplant
~Washing machine
~Llama
~Barcalounger

A note on Mundane Nouns 

Mundane nouns would be nouns that are just really... normal.  Boring even.  Things like:

~Cup
~Fork
~Car
~Couch

You'll notice these are all single-syllable words and they're... well... bland.  This isn't to say you can't use these items, but I would HIGHLY recommend spicing them up by being very specific.

For example:

Instead of cup:

~Teacup
~Coffee Mug
~Sippy cup

Instead of fork:

~Salad Fork
~Dinner Fork

Instead of car:

~Dump-truck
~Minivan
~Subaru

Instead of couch:

~Love-seat
~Ottoman
~Armchair

You get the picture, yes?

Putting It All Together

Okay, now that you know what words to look for, let's stick them together!

Some word combinations work better than others.  This is where you really just need to play around with it and find something that makes you giggle and that flows off the tongue.

For instance:

"Uneducated mongoose" flows better than "under-cooked mongoose."  We don't typically cook mongoose, after all.

That said, there's no reason the two halves of your insult have to relate to each other.  You can call someone a "constipated minivan" and it flows pretty well.  But "over-stuffed minivan?" Not so much.

Mix and match.  Get creative.  

Feel free to drop some of your favorites in the comments on this chapter!  I'd love to read them! ^_^

Until next time, Littie out!