two || tears

michael hated everyone.

"it wasn't your fault."

"she lived a beautiful life."

"god called an angel home."

their words swirled around in his mind like buzzing bees. didn't they know that they were making it worse by constantly reminding him she was dead? by trying to make him feel better, they only made him feel worse.

"don't feel too bad about it."

"she loved you."

"it wasn't your fault."

"they're all full of bullshit," michael told her. he liked to imagine that her ghost was sitting on the curve of the grey tombstone when he visited. "i know it wasn't my fault. it's been a month and they won't shut up about it."

the wind rustled the grass, and the little blades of grass that had sprouted on her grave quivered.

michael stared right above the tombstone and tried his hardest to see her. "i miss you."

silence.

michael didn't realize he was crying until a tear dripped off his chin and splashed onto his hand. the tears were falling faster than he could swipe them away. he heard broken sobs, and it took him a minute to realize they were coming from him.

"michael."

shocked, michael jumped up and whirled around, the wet grass squeaking under his shoes. "luke?"

luke was standing at the bottom of the hill. "um, hi. am i interrupting something?"

michael hoped that luke couldn't tell he was crying, but the look on his face told michael he could see exactly how hard he'd been crying, and had probably heard some of his meltdown. "no," he lied.

luke slowly trudged up the hill. he touched her tombstone lightly with his fingertips, tears glistening in his eyes, and michael suddenly remembered that luke had lost his friend, too.

"you've been here for hours. your mum wanted me to check on you."

michael nodded. "yeah. i was just-"

"thinking. here." luke shrugged out of his jacket and held it out to michael.

michael raised an eyebrow as he pulled it on. the sleeves fell to his fingertips.

"you're soaked and shivering," luke said, and as soon as he said that, michael realized he was shaking.

"thanks."

"mmhmm." luke turned and walked back down the hill.

"wait!" michael called.

luke paused and looked back up. michael saw a few tears on his cheeks. "yeah?" he asked, his voice rough.

michael hurried down the hill to meet luke. "let's go kill some zombies," he suggested.

luke managed a wistful smile. "you really miss her, don't you?"

it hit him like a ton of bricks. luke finally acknowledging out loud that she was gone. they'd been ignoring it so far, numbing the pain by burying it.

"yes," michael whispered.

luke was silent until they reached the parking lot. "it hurts."

michael didn't trust himself to speak.

luke seemed to understand. "see you at my place?"

michael nodded.

he sat in the car and watched luke drive off. he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, clutching it with right fists, and started to cry, his chest shaking, his breath heaving, his cheeks wet.

his lips formed her name, but all he could do was cry and ask why. why, why, why had his angel been taken away.

he finally sat up, wiping his face. bleary eyes looked back at him through the rearview mirror as hiccups escaped his lips, red from biting them to hold back sobs.

he missed her.

-

i don't think i'm going to give his ex-girlfriend a name.

it would hurt michael too much to hear it.

-h