"For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"

Olivia sits on the pavement beside me underneath tall evergreen trees providing a cooling shade in the heat of the afternoon.

We keep our eyes on the cars that drive by only because we can't hold each other's gaze without laughing, stuttering or blushing.

I picked her up from school and even though she was a little surprised I could tell that she expected it.

"The answer would a thousand times be my grandfather. My grandfather. My grandfather. My grandfather. Everything he's done. Everything he is and even in his anger. He gets angry a lot but I just know that it's always coming from a place of love and not abuse."

"He seems like a wonderful man. I met him once but it still makes me want to have a grandfather. "

Her brown eyes glimmer when they meet mine, catching me staring straight at her.

"You know he's started this new thing at home where we'll be eating supper for breakfast, lunch for lunch and breakfast for supper."

She giggles, looking at me with disbelief.

"I promise I'm not lying. We're having cornflakes tonight. Apparently this will spice up his life."

We both are carried away by the laughter that bursts out of us.

"I'm sure there's never a dull moment at home with him."

I smile, dimples prominent.

"Yeah. There's only extreme moments. We're either extremely happy or extremely angry or extremely sad. "

She laughs and when it dies down I'm the one who catches her looking at me.

She's got this look of admiration in her eyes and the sweetest smile on her face. She's looking at me like I'm…

Like I'm….

Someone who's got no idea how amazing they are and it warms my heart.

She takes me in,her eyes going over every detail and I just let her look at me.Feeling vulnerable even in this sweet moment.

It's one thing to love, it's another thing to be loved.

"Your turn."

She blinks and that look is gone. She blushes looking away again.

" I'm most grateful for  my primary school teacher Mrs O' Farrell who gave me the love of reading, writing and poetry. She was the best teacher in the world! The very best!"

Her eyes meet mine aglow with passion. "And the best part was that I wasn't the only one who thought that. Even the kids who normally wouldn't pay attention in class enjoyed her classes. She was the only teacher at the time who remembered my name."

"Teachers didn't know your name?"

She scoffs, anger flashing in her eyes for a moment.

"Not just teachers—classmates and many other people. I guess I'm that memorable."

A silence.

"Even now Lisa. B, who's been in my class every year since highschool started, asked me what my name was today."

"I don't even know who Lisa.B is."

Olivia looks at me, eyes scrutinizing.

"You know who Lisa.B is"she states.

"Fine, I know her," I admit.

Olivia sighs.

"I don't know how many times I had to tell teachers who'd been teaching me for years that 'My name is Olivia ', 'My name is Olivia' . I said it so much I got sick of my name."

"I'm sorry "

"It's okay....It's just that she remembered my name even though I wasn't the best student. She  saw something in me and spoke so well of me I had to stop and think, are we talking about the same person?"she chuckles, light.

" I'll always be grateful for her even if she doesn't remember me now. Because she knew my name when nobody else cared to learn it."

I want to tell Olivia that she's unforgettable in my eyes. That this passed year the name that has ringed over and over in my heart and mind has been...

Olivia

Olivia

Olivia

Olivia

Olivia.

I want to tell her that it's not that I'm good at remembering names but the moment she told me hers ;it's like my heart engraved the moment in time telling me—You're gonna wanna remember this.

I want to tell her that I know that almost nobody at school knows who Olivia is; that whenever I mentioned her they would do this weird thing with their eyes brows and try to think of her....

I want to tell her that hearing the name Olivia will never be the same for me again.

Even if she leaves.

I'll hear someone calling out to an Olivia in the crowd and I'll look back, nostalgia touching my heart.

I'll meet many other Olivia's and saying her name on them will feel wrong.

I'll hear a future friend of mine telling me of this beautiful girl he met named Olivia and how they got married and I'll wonder why I didn't get to to keep my Olivia.

I want to tell her that as painful as it is, she can't really blame people for forgetting her name. I forget alot people's names and she probably does the same.

We all forget names.

But oneday we'll meet this person(these people )who tells us their name and we won't know it at the time but we'll never forget their name.

I believe we all have unforgettable names  written on our hearts.

Mine is Olivia.

❄️❄️❄️

It's completely dark. The  television which plays reruns of  Everybody hates Chris the only thing emanating light.

We sit on the grey couch, dressed in our pajamas, our feet on the coffee table because there hasn't been a woman in the house for a really long time. The satisfying gwonch gwonch sounds fill the room.

The cornflakes bowls on our laps  with the coldest milk are what make this moment golden.

"Mkhulu, is your life feeling spiced up?" I ask, chewing my crunchy cornflakes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full boy. I raised you better."

His dark eyes dance with amusement.

"You know what. This is the best decision I've made in awhile."

"I agree."

We continue watching the show, laughing at the exaggerated jokes and how cheap Julius is and relatable Chris is—well to me.

I can't decide if I like it better when the cornflakes are soggy or crunchy.
It's like choosing between two great loves. I just can't!

I decide to quickly text both Olivia and Dominique with this dilemma and their texts come in minutes later.

❄️Olivia

Olivia—important question. Probably more important than any of the 36 Questions. Which is the best —soggy cornflakes or crunchy?

22:27

Leo, is that even a question?🧐Crunchy all the way!

22:29

❄️Dominique aka the coolest guy you know

Dom, Dom important question. Use your brains for this one please. Which is the best— soggy cornflakes or crunchy?

22:28

Soggy!!!

22:31

Soggy!!!!

22:31

Soggy!!!!

22:32

Soggy!!

22:32

In case you're still confused because I know you're a slow learner—soggy!!

22:35

If  Olivia tells you otherwise tell her that after school is after school

22:36

❄️❄️❄️

When the show ends, we've gobbled up our cereals. I'm  the one who has to wash the dishes. One of the biggest Cons of being an only child is that you have no one to fight with about whose turn it is to wash the dishes.

That's right, I'm on dish duty everyday.

Mkhulu says that he can't wash dishes or do any other chore because he started hard labour when he was 6 years old so it's time for him to retire.

I'm putting the clean bowls in the cabinets when Mkhulu steps into the kitchen.

"You done?"

"Yeah. I'm done. Need anything?"

He shakes his head, something flickering in his eyes.

"Good night." he says, turning to leave.

"Night."

I turn off the lights and make my way to my room.

I'm about to close the door  to my room once I'm inside  but it's pushed open.

"Mkhulu? If you're here to sing me a lullaby I'm a little old for that."

He chuckles, standing by the door.

"Leonardo?"

"Yes."

"You're happy, right?"

"...."

"In life and just about everything. Are you happy?"

He holds my dark eyes and I feel like there's something he isn't telling me.

"I'm happy Mkhulu" I answer, genuine.

A smile forms on my face and Mkhulu mirrors it.

"Good night."

"Good night."

❄️❄️❄️

Saturday, 11th of  November 2023🥀

"Your girlfriend plays like a girl," Timmy teases, watching Olivia kick the ball with all her might.

The ball barely makes it to the goal. All the  kids in the park erupt in laughter but she takes the teasing with a cute smile on her face.

When we arrived at Mayfield park Timmy and his friends greeted us like they'd been waiting for us to come.

Timmy suggested that we played soccer together even after Olivia warned us how bad she was at sports.

She took about five minutes telling us that she runs funny,kicks badly and is a teensy weensy lazy.

After a lot of convincing she finally agreed. The teams were split in two. The girl's team and the boys team.

The boys were obviously winning.

It's was 36 nil. (36—0)

Even though the girls were losing badly they kept singing this cringey girl power song that Olivia made up and it made us laugh so hard.

"She's not my girlfriend and she is a girl," I tell Timmy who shrugs his shoulders.

"Then what is she?"

"She's my—my"

"Ugh teenagers are so complicated. Thank God I'm never growing up. My mother tells me I'll stay like this forever."

I laugh.

"And you believe that?"

"Yes."

"All I have to do is make sure I sleep late everyday because sleeping makes you tall, not drink too much milk and not stay inside the house too long. I'll be young forever!"

"You know what. I should've done that when I was a kid."

"Yeah. It's too late now. Now you're freakishly tall and your voice is deep and you've got a little mustache! And you've got a confused teenage brain that you don't even know that Olivia's your girlfriend."

Laughter bubbles out of me and Olivia meets my eye. If only she could hear the conversation we're having.

Timmy and I sit down on the grass watching our team make more wins against the girls. The girls still sing that funny girl power song and Olivia is probably the most positive team captain.

"At least she's not missing the ball this time." I add, making him laugh.

" She was kicking wind for the first few minutes of the game" he snickers, rolling on the floor and laughing.

"Okay! I'm really tired now! I'll take a break!" Olivia yells, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

She heads to the bench under the shade of the tree, sitting like she's been standing for years.

"I can't feel my legs!!!!"

We all laugh.

The laughter dies down and I catch Timmy smirking up at me.

"Well, you're girlfriends waiting."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"If you were young you'd know she was.Now go to her before I take her for myself. Just kidding! Girls are disgusting!" he says, gagging.

"Puleng pooped herself in class and Dineo's been caught digging her nose 11 times and when you see her she just smiles!"

I laugh, hard.

He'll change his mind when he grows up. We all do.

❄️❄️❄️

"Olivia, if I would have known how good of a soccer player you were, I would have added you to Vestalia's soccer team. All this time what we were missing was right in front of me."

She snickers.

We're seated on the bench, the  tree shade cooling our skin. The kids have started playing other games. Timmy wins most of them but the ones he loses he loses badly.

He's a proud sore loser.

Olivia and I smile at each other, content.

"Any plans for today?" I ask her, curious.

"Well after this I'm gonna take a really really long nap. The kind of nap that makes you feel like you've risen to life."

She sighs,her eyes fluttering shut then is overcome with laughter.

"That sounds fun."

"You?"

"I've got to go see Dominique again. He's been sending me these really up close selfies of his face with updates on his condition."

She laughs.

Coincidentally, my phone bings and it's a message from Dominique. He's sent the 29th picture today of an up close selfie.

This time he's laying on his pillow,his green eyes barely open. His red nose swelling and his face a painting of misery.

The caption says: I can't feel my pinky toes and my brain feels tired. Studying is painful.

"Look."

Olivia leans in to see the picture. She giggles.

And this falls into the conversation of how I explain to Olivia what Tricolosis Bosis is and Dominique wanting to be a scientist and she listens with this keen interest sparkling in her eyes.

She laughs when she's supposed to. She asks questions and comments here and there and  it's when you meet people like this that you finally know.

This…

This is what a good listener is.

We spend the next hour casually conversing and it brings me joy how easy and simple everything is with her. I don't have to lean on 36 Questions because Olivia's got so much more to her.

Soon we're sharing bits and pieces of ourselves with each other without even having to ask.

It makes something in my heart burn with delight with how she's slowly becoming more comfortable being goofy with me and just how much we're growing as friends together while falling in love with each other.

"We should probably do Question 10 now," I suggest.

"Yeah. Totally forgot that all you want from me are a bunch of questions. Nothing else!"she pretends to sulk but it ends in laughter.

I chuckle, watching that gleam in her eyes.

"If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?"

She ponders on the question, her brows furrowed. She meets my eye when she's ready.

" I would change how we aren't open with each other. How I was raised to hide my feelings rather than share them. How money and school fees and paying rent were the top priorities. I love my mother wholeheartedly. I just wish she was more emotional. I guess a single mom of four kids doesn't really have time for that but still…"

She sighs, looking up at the tree leaves that burst with little rays of sunshine in-between.

"I feel guilty for even saying all this."

"I wish she spoke more to me about life and love. I wish I was able to tell her at the time that I didn't have the will to live and maybe a lot of things would have been different. I wonder what would it have been like if I told her I wanted to die...Maybe she would tell me the reasons why I should stay. Maybe it would have been easier. Maybe I wouldn't have to run to the bathroom and silently cry, then wash my face, come out of the bathroom and crack some dumb joke so nobody could see through me."

She laughs, unlike anything I've heard from her because it's bitter and not a spark  of joy in it.

"I don't know why I do this. I always try to be extra funny and goofy at home when I really wanna cry. It makes me so mad it's like I'm not allowing myself to feel my emotions.I get mad at my siblings and mom who don't notice I'm dying inside and not dying of laughter."

I felt that. Deeper than I felt anything before.

"Wow."

She meets my eyes.

"I know she loves me but I wished she showed it more."

" I can't even say if my mother loves me, Olivia. I mean she's in a whole other province. She's stopped calling as frequently as she did and I haven't seen her in months."

Olivia places her hand on my hand that's been squeezing the bench seat. She intertwined her fingers through my angry veiny hands and I let go of the bench and held on to her.

" I would change the fact that my mother wasn't there. She wasn't there when I needed her. She wasn't there when I came home from school. She wasn't there. She wasn't there Olivia. I wished that she would know that her presence matters so much to me . So much."

Olivia's eyes gloss over with tears and I know she's crying for me. She has a pure heart of gold. I want to tell her to not waste her tears on me but part of me…

Part of me wants her to cry and feel all the things I can't bring myself to feel any more.

All I feel is anger.

And Mkhulu told me a thousand times that anger is just misplaced pain but I don't want to shed another tear for a woman who doesn't seem me worthy of her time.

Crying for her is a waste of time.

❄️❄️❄️

I stood outside my house; knocking on the door. My bones felt tired and I  found myself wanting to take that revival nap Olivia said she was taking.

Mkhulu opens the door but he doesn't let me in immediately.

He has  this dark look in his already dark eyes. The same look he had when he asked me if I was happy with my life.

"Mkhulu, you okay?"

He doesn't answer.

He just stands there, a grave look on his face. I notice now, how hard he clutches the door handle.

The  blank cane on his other hand looks like the only thing that's stopping him from collapsing.

"Mkhulu, please say something. You're scaring me."

Then  he says something that shakes me to the core. All that I hear is my heart pulsing through my ears making me see red.

"Your mother...she uhhh lost her job. She's coming home to stay with us from now on."

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Let's fall in love in the comments.
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9.For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10.If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

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