Logline

After leaving her cheating fiancé, Asian girl Zoe Huong finds herself caught between two loves - until that cheating fiancé returns, wanting her back.

Blurb

After catching her fiancé cheating on her and leaving, Zoe Huong thinks she'll die alone and hungry. That is, until she catches the eyes of not one but two other men: Jules, her knight in shining armour who saves her from her ex but who is also her boss' son. Yes, you read it right he could make her lose her mind like her job at the same time. Then there is Michael, the sweetest Asian delivery man who kneels down before her with a free pizza (true story!).

Things only get spicier when her ex, Mateo, makes an unexpected return to her life to reconquer her.

How can Zoe escape this hot mess without going mad? Will there be rib-exploding laughs? More importantly, will there be a boyfriend at the end?

The only way to find out is to read the book!

Chapter 1 - I Like My Man Hot Like My Pizza

~Three months later~

The night is dark, the window wide open with steam that will blur the glass even better than in Titanic, the movie, and it is in that unbearable hot temperature that he walks to me. Topless with his nipples free, glistening in sweat under the moonlight, and the best part is yet to come. Below it, he has the best six packs that not even Photoshop can create.

He is delicious, and all mine, mine only.

As soon as he is close, he turns me around. "Hold on tight to the balcony's bar, Zoe, because this ride will be wild," he commands, and I execute. His hands leave my waist and start stroking from my knee, dragging my skirt up. I can't see anything, but I can feel it all—the hard, the wet, the soft, then pleasure groans down his throat. I groan too, louder than him.

Wait, this is not a competition right!

Actually I'm not groaning at all, that's my stomach.

DING

"Miss, your pizza is getting cold!"

At long last, God must have heard my stomach rumbling and have also saved me from a bad smut on Wattpad.

I drag my old, smelly self in my pyjamas and my bunny slippers out of my sofa bed to undo my twenty-door locks (a single woman living in a tiny rented room can never be safe enough, don't judge!)

"Miss, open the door or I'll take your pizza back to the shop!"

Did the pizza man just threaten me?

"One minute, I'm just putting my butcher knife away!"

That should calm him down, the impatience of that man.

At last food. Can you smell it too?

As soon as I open my door, the aroma of melting cheese blows into my face, driving my imagination wild about its bed of tomato sauce and its crispy pepperoni on top. This is the best climax of my night, even better than Mr. faceless six packs.

"That would be £20, please?"

"What did you just say?"

"The pizza you need to pay for it?" And he says that while I have my hands on the box too, like, what better time to ruin my life even more, and who pays cash these days?

"I already paid for it online when I ordered it!"

My last £20 of the month too, you jerk!

"No, Miss, you picked 'pay on delivery'!'"

I grunt at him, baring my teeth as wide as I can. If he has never seen an angry woman before, he has never met this hangry woman! I'll die for a long, thick slice of this juicy pizza to melt in my mouth.

(No pun intended, you perv audience!)

"Right, keep it then!"

I throw it back at him like I'm the Spartan king in the movie 300 who kicks the messenger into the bottomless pit, sending him screaming down the stairs to his death.

If I can't eat it, no one will.

The death of this pizza will mark the day of my revolution, and I slam the door on him too for good measure. You, silly man who dares to let a girl starve at her doorstep.

Yes, lovely people who are reading this, I'm going to die tonight; if it's not of hunger, it will be of heartache.

You see, I was this happy all glowing fiancee a few months ago. I had it all: a man who loves me, a guy who is rich (yeah, he has a car! ), a special someone who could be a distant side lookalike to Damiano David, a future model and actor, and once again, I was blindsided because beauty in man never comes without cheating!

And now, I'm just this miserable, desperate creature who cries of hunger while sliding my body down from against my front door to the floor (cleaning it too by the look of it). I'll die eaten by the mice living with me here. I'll most probably die holding on to my phone scrolling at potential new boyfriend's material on Tinder.

PING

Oh, a man just pinged me, and he's hot! And he just sends me a dick pic too. Not so hot anymore, and block straight away.

What can a girl do to survive in a book called "The Worst S.M.U.T. Ever," and S.M.U.T. stands now for "Sociable Man Unicorn who Loves Tea," you perv!

The sociable man unicorn who loves tea is my new ideal man, and my name is Zoe Huong. Welcome to my life, dear beloved readers.

Well, the life of a twenty-three-year-old living in the smallest rented room in East London and working at a local chemist while continuing to tell her mother that she is still studying medicine at university.

I know my life is just a lie!

A lie that makes me wake up at 6 a.m. to snore over a tilt behind the counter until 1 p.m.

Yeah, my life is sad.

I'm dreaming of my last-night pizza, floating over me on its thin crust with its distinct grill marks segments. It tastes warm, delicious, fulfilling all my hunger... Hold on why my pizza looks like that jerk who is my ex. Upon this realisation, I jolt, wiping my mouth to see that he is indeed staring at me through the glass door of my workplace.

A yelp escapes my mouth as I leave my counter to hide behind a shelf as I can hear him slamming the door behind him. My head pops up from the row of shelves. I'm Sarah Connor trying to hide, and he is Terminator sending down in this timeline to kill me.

Every woman for herself.

I skim through the shelves faster than a rabbit, my heartbeat accelerating as his steps grow louder until he catches me.

"Hi, Mateo, nice to see you there. I was—" from all the places in this entire place, I had to be in the man health section. At this moment, my choices are erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and hair loss treatment.

Guess what I say?

"— looking at erectile dysfunction's products?" Honestly, Mateo was cheating on me every month with a new someone; he is far from suffering from this. Of course he looks back at me with one raised eyebrow.

What do I expect?

I clear my voice. "I mean sorting out the inventory of erectile dysfunction's products."

"Whatever, I'm just here for you to give me back my £300!"

"Excuse me!" I rest one of my fists on my hip. What is that all about? He cheated on me, and now I had to pay him too. This is the scam of the century, or what?

"You heard me, Zoe Huong; I cheated on you alright, but you scratched my car!" He grunts, anger sizzling in his voice. On the other hand, he needs some chew gum too because this smoker breath of his is making me sick.

"You scratched my car, Zoe—my Uber car. Do you just realise how much that will cost me?"

Does he know how many tears I cried over him? He is so selfish. God, why are sexy men such jerks! I mean, how can he be that hot when he is that mad at me?

I blame it on those twisted romances who want us to love the one who hurts us the most!

"Sorry!" I shrug my shoulders.

What else can I say?

"You're sorry, I'm going to be homeless by the end of the month, but you are sorry!"

Oh gosh, let me get the violins out and cry, but no, under his clutch, I can only roll my eyes at his nonsense. "I was right to cheat on you, Zoe; you're such—"

And before he finishes his sentence, a right hook lands on his face. Mateo holds his reddened cheek as he raises his head from the ground, looking at my hero, Jules, the son of the shop owner.

Jules is wrapped in black leather like the old 80's Crow. He is every girl's dream of a bad boy—the true forbidden gothic love in angelic long blond hair, and he has just stormed in to save me.

"Who are you?" Another question flies out from Mateo's twisted mouth, like, really, I used to put kisses on those lips!

Jules doesn't even let him answer; he just grabs Mateo by the collar and takes him out of the premises like an old bag of thrash. I can see Mateo arguing outside, but Jules is two meters tall, tattooed and pierced from everywhere with a spiked necklace... Do you really want to mess with a dude like that?

Mateo just grunts at him and leaves while Jules walks back inside the chemist.

"Zoe, are you alright?" He asks, and I feel like a breeze of air blowing over me; even one button of my shirt just burst as he speaks.

Has he ever been that hot before, or is it just the weather?

"Yes!" I grin. "And thank you."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to punch him, but I saw you lately cry a lot at the counter, and I didn't mean to pry when you told that old woman that he cheated on you. I just hate jerks like him, and I'm sorry he hurts you."

His green eyes suddenly shot at me; the worst sentence is about to come out of his mouth.

"You. Deserve. Better."

"Sure, Jules!"

"Alright, you look sad, Zoe, so I'll shut the shop for you!"

Is he mad? I widen my eyes, but he continues.

"Don't worry, I won't say a word to my dad. You can go home to rest." Of course my stomach rumbles at this moment. "Or eat something?"

"No, I—" I cry, cry a river for this jerk of Mateo. Jules takes me right into his arms; he smells of strong cologne, and geez, I never think his body is that muscly. Since when did he go to the gym?

"It's okay, Zoe, I know. My ex cheated on me too." He strokes my head, like we're not even that close, and he touches my head already. "Seriously, don't worry about the shop; I'll close it, and we can go upstairs in my bedroom to have a talk."

Did he just say bedroom?

This is the worst s.m.u.t. ever, and I mean s.m.u.t. as in sociable man unicorn who loves tea.