Song: Once In A Lifetime (One Direction)

  Another year left but the thought of her stays here. Lingering in my thoughts overcasting my heart with sadness.

 I was at my parents' for the new year celebration and I stayed here. I didn't have the strength to return back to my empty, soulless and cold flat.

 My mother came in the room several times just to check if I'm okay. I always pretended I was asleep though. Perhaps after two to three times she would stop bothering me but that didn't happen.

 Yesterday I didn't make a wish. I couldn't. Not in front of everyone. That was something special and private for me. A memory and a thing I only share with her.

 I take a glance at my watch on my wrist as I lie almost lifeless in the cold wooden bed. I take a deep breath and wish exactly what I wish for, every night.

 I wish finding her next to me when I turn my head to the side.

 I can almost smell her. Teak wood and lemons.

 "Zayn? Zayn darling?" I overhear a sweet voice calling my name.

 "Oh baby. Are you crying? Why?" She raises her palm and delicately brushes her fingers on my tear stained checks.

 "Mum, leave me alone. Please."

 "No, Zayn. Tell me. What's wrong?" She whispers lightly.

 I break. A loud sob escapes my lips as I hide my self in my mother's lap. Her fingers are tracing soothing lines in my hair, while my trembling body craves a moment of peace.

 "I miss her mum. I can't do this anymore. I miss her. I want her here, next to me."

 "Zayn. I know how you feel. But you can't bring her back."

 "It's my fault mum. My fault!"

 "No, baby. It's not."

 "I let her leave the house while she was drunk and mad." I take a deep breath. "She's dead. She's dead because of me." I scream on the top of my voice.

 "Relax baby. You are upset." She coos. "Have you been taking your medication?"

 "I don't need medication. I'm fine."

 "Zayn you're depressed. You need your medication. Please do it. For me." She pleads.

 "Okay but please. Leave me alone."

 "As you wish." She whispers and gives me a light kiss on my temple. And with that she leaves the room.

 I sit in my bed as I take the small bottle of pills. I stay still and stare at it. I keep reminding  myself , how much I love her. And I personally think that when you fall in love with someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love with them even more. It's like you find something else to love about them every day. The way they laugh, the way they sneeze, even the way they blink. I think that's how relationships last. When things are exciting everyday you spent with that person is like an adventure into their soul. But sadly that adventure didn't last for us.  

 I take a pill out and I swallow it. I look at my hand and the ring that wraps around my finger. My wedding ring. I never took it off and I never will. It reminds me of her. It's the last thing that makes me believe that she was truly here and that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination.  

 I take more pills in my palm and swallow them one by one. When the bottle is finally empty I let it fall to the ground with a thud and I lay back on my pillow.

 I close my eyes tight and bring back our memories. We were one and no one should have broken us apart.  

"I'm coming to find you Angel. Wait for me. I'm coming." 

THE END

Steph xx

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