A/N

Dear readers and followers,

This week was absolutely depressing, with lots of judgement from all different kinds of people. I have put these emotions into a poem for you all to read and to hopefully form a resolve to not end up like me.

I hope you enjoy this poem. Soon i will feel better, but there is a long way to go. Thanks to everyone who have stuck with me the whole way.

Luv and hugs, Valentina

They say that you are not good enough,

They say that you are not bold enough.

They say that you can't do it,

And I have given up trying to convince them,

But I haven't yet rage quit.

I will prove them all wrong,

I will excel,

I will lift the sky high above their heads and smirk down at them,

When they realise how I was capable the entire time,

How they cut a gash in my heart with their sharp words,

But not my mind.

I will ignore their imbecilic taunts,

Ignore their attempts to be omnipotent,

Block out their annoyance,

And their over the top personality.

I will step over their minds as if they are mere stepping stones,

And leap over the river of judgement,

To finally be free.

Never again will I do something just for profit,

Never again will I succumb to the madness of terrible guilt,

And excessive doubt,

Upon their ashes I have built,

An empire where no tears will fall,

Where everyone stands proud and tall.

My heart will never heal,

Never again bloom feelings like a flower,

While others bask in the sun of confidence and happiness,

I will sit content in the darkness,

The barrier to a dam of feelings forever closed,

Never to open to anyone or anything,

Ever again.

Am I extra?

Am I excluded?

Absolutely, but I no longer mind,

I am the mafia in the dark,

The faceless and emotionless mask,

Where no smile or glint of a grin resides,

And I will become a ghost,

Devoid of emotions,

With nobody to rely on for support.

And survive like I always do,

To carve a path in this new world.

I will control the ocean of feelings in my mind,

And lock them away in a box with no lid,

In blackness to dark to describe,

And eventually I will be the one with the omnipotence,

I will rise like a cloud above all,

Fly and roll in the sky of freedom,

Free of all constraints and judgement of all others of my kind,

Receive no restraint on what I can and can not achieve,

And soon my own opinion and facts will be the only things to nestle into my heart.

With no one to lean on,

I will not sob and will not cry,

Instead anger and frustration will take over my vision of the world.

But remember,

Now I am icy,

I am a Queen and I rule my own life,

Even if I have to suffer on my own for the rest of it.

I was here but I wasn't,

I seem to be listening but I was always distant,

I can not even see myself in the mirror anymore.

For you are not with me through the highs and lows,

And the fact that I no longer feel,

Is a sweet concept to me now.

Your words would have ripped me in half,

But my tough bitumen barrier will hold you back,

And a way will come forth for me to wrap you around my finger,

To eventually discard,

As you have done to me.

Revenge is sweet,

And from it I will not refrain,

I will tear consciences apart,

In the hope to repair mine,

But it will never heal

I am an emotionless husk,

That is forced to keep pretending that I am fine as silk,

When in truth I am down in the dumps of Tartarus,

In the depths of the lava pools of Hel,

Too far away from Valhalla and from the beings of eternity.

All of this I have to scream through,

Just to prove something worthless to you,

Just because you tore me from head to toe for enjoyment.

I am capable,

And you will see that,

No matter what it takes,

And no matter what I have to give.

 Valentina 2020