Natura aut Disciplina

Nature or Nurture

Thursday 12th of September, 6:10 AM, Jungkook's room in Evanthe.

Jungkook has a problem. As he lay in his bed waiting for an uncharacteristically slow Jimin to go to the bathroom, he could only grin in embarrassment with the bed covers up to his nose as he felt cum in his briefs. Embarrassing, but he wasn't complaining in the slightest. He would have liked that sweet dream to have happened while he was alone, or better yet, beside Taehyung so he could help him. He bit his lip, turning his head to the other side. How, in the name of lust, could he still be horny?

The sound of the bathroom door closing and locking up made him reconnect with the present, and he immediately uncovered himself to look down at his pants, with relief he noticed that it hadn't soaked through and then he lay back down, less tense than before. He now acknowledged how strange it felt to feel horny but not hard, he was desiring the Taehyung in his dream so much that he was biting his lip at the memory, but he wasn't getting hard. He didn't know, of course, this was new to him.

He debated between continuing the dream he had or thinking about what Tom had said to him. But he had his answer before he finished the question and he pulled the covers back up his body with a grin on his face.

Once Jimin was out of the bathroom, big clothes on and a beanie on his head, Jungkook was hard. Apparently, he just needed a little incentive to make it happen. With the bed covers over him, he waited for Jimin to go to his bed and not look at him before uncovering himself as fast as he could and getting into the bathroom immediately. The reflection in the mirror was funny to him, he never thought he would ever look like that in all his life. He took off yesterday's clothes and stared at himself a bit more. But... There was a soft bite mark near his shoulder. A bite mark? He blushed.

It felt good to be desired.

He was liking his body, even more, this morning. He knew he was beautiful, but only because he wanted to be that and nothing less. But there was something about being touched with so much love that made him feel like his skin was special; like he was special. The way Taehyung looked at him, talked to him, and wanted him, made him feel beautiful in more ways than just the physical. He couldn't pinpoint what it was about himself that Taehyung saw was beautiful so that made all of him seem special in some way.

He also realized why he had felt a pinch on his bum when he sat down on his bed the night before. There, on each cheek, were the fading red marks of Taehyung's hands. When he saw them, he gasped and clasped a hand to his mouth to stifle the hysterical giggle that wanted to escape. He had to take a cold shower to calm down his hard problem. But then, once it was soft, he immediately turned on the warm water.

For now, he showered meticulously well, he also passed his hands through his body to see if he needed to shave, but his body was thankfully still the same as his body hair grew too slowly. He took some liquid soap in his hands and massaged it over his body for the scent to stay on his skin longer. He liked this feeling of wanting to be perfect for someone else, it made him feel appreciated and excited like he was a gift for Taehyung. Special.

But then he realized he entered the bathroom without the clothes he will put on that day and his smile disappeared. He'll have to go out draped with only a towel around his hips to take his clothes.

With a fist clutching the towel securely around his hips, he opened the bathroom door just enough for his head to get out. Jimin was looking down at his phone, sitting on his bed, bag by his side.

- Jimin. - Jungkook called him. Startled, the other looked up at him. - I forgot to take my clothes inside with me so... close your eyes or something, will you? - Jimin's breath visibly hitch, and his hands flew to his face, covering it completely, and, for good measure, he lowered his head until his chin was against his chest. - Thanks. - Jungkook murmured, and then he opened the door fully to get to his chest of drawers by his left.

Then, right when he opened the first drawer, the room door opened.

- No, no, we really are friends. Aren't we Jungk-- Oh my... - Tom broke off, and Jungkook turned around in alarm at how abruptly everything changed. Tom was beside Jimin, body turned to the window, hands in his hips. Leo was on the door, eyes closed shut and one arm tightly around Emily's head, covering her eyes, as he dragged her unseeingly outside the room, closing the door.

- Get out when you're ready! - Came Emily's muffled voice from the other side of the door.

- Ok! - Jungkook answered, his heart in his throat. He took one last glance at Tom's back before turning around and rummaging fast through the drawer. Underwear... socks... shirt, should he wear another turtle neck? Maybe he should. Oh, yes he should. But maybe Jimin could give him some makeup... hmm, no, if Taehyung kissed him again it would be uncomfortable for him to taste the makeup, right? Yes, maybe he shouldn't. Then a turtle neck, but which one? He used a dark one yesterday, maybe a white one today? Uuu, no, the gray one, today seems to be chilly, and that one's thicker. Should he wear a shirt underneath?... Nahhh. Now, pants...

- What's taking you so goddamn long? - Tom asked in exasperation with an audible smile and his voice made Jungkook jolt. It felt highly uncomfortable to be in his presence after last night and much more when he's naked.

- Just... choosing what to wear. Shut up. - His voice came out low but firm, and he heard a low chuckle as an answer.

So, pants... dark ones or light ones? Any would look good, the dark one is thinner which wouldn't be that good for this weather... but, it would make Taehyung's hands feel really nice. Mhhh, practicality or desire... He couldn't help it, he chose the black pants. And for shoes, he chose sturdy ones as today would be filled with puddles from the intense rain of the day before. These could be good for hiking if he ever in his life would've gone for a hike, which he hadn't.

- I'm starting to think you like being nude. -

- Shut up. -

- Want me to help you get dressed? -

- You're unbelievable. - Jungkook took his clothes securely and went to lock himself in the bathroom again. Making sure everything looked good as he stared at himself in the mirror, his bruises were already going from red and purple to purple and green, which was a good sign of recovery, and he went out of the bathroom to find Jimin tinily slapping Tom's leg in disapproval as the latter chuckled. Guessing it had something to do with the previous situation with the way he was looking at him when he turned around, Jungkook tried to ignore him as he took his bag and went straight to the door. - Bye Jimin. -

- Bye Kooky. - Jungkook groaned as he opened the door and went straight to his friends leaving the door open. Which wasn't a good idea. Leo looked at him and then to the room, and, when his eyes landed on a grinning Tom, all his muscles tightened as his eyes went wider than was natural.

- Don't! - Jungkook saw what he wanted to do before he even moved his feet so he was able to grab his shoulders to stop him from going inside that room to punch Tom.

- He stayed in the fucking room. I didn't even notice-- He... fucking... He...- He couldn't talk properly, his voice was low, nearly a whisper, yaw tight. A clear and awful sign that he was about to have one of those attacks again.

- He turned to the window. Leo, Leo, don't. - Jungkook was also speaking low, he didn't want to attract attention, even Emily, who always moved away whenever Leo got like this, stepped closer to put a hand over his chest.

- Leo, Jimin was also in the room, do you think Jimin would let him be disrespectful to Jungkook? - Leo's yaw clenched even tighter as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply in and out. - That's right. - Emily praised his attempts at calming down, but Jungkook could still feel under his hands how his shoulders were tense.

And the fucker, the trouble-loving bastard, came out of the room with a grin and Jungkook knew, he just knew what would happen next, and his hands tightened on Leo's shoulders, his muscles ready for the impact.

He saw it then, how Tom let Jimin pass them fast and he stayed, looking at Jungkook straight in the eyes, and then, with a wide grin at Leo's closed ones, he muttered,

- Nice hickeys, Kooky. -

Everything happened really fast. Emily stepped back while Leo lost what little control he had over reality and turned to Tom with his fist ready to break his yaw. Jungkook, as fast as he could, went in front of him, in between him and Tom, and pushed him hard in the chest, then pinned him to the wall with his own elbows on his chest, one leg slightly folded and the other straight, pushing him hard against the wall. He was successful, this was the only way to paralyze Leo when he had one of these attacks: He grabbed Jungkook by the shoulders to try to take him away, but was unable to due to the pain Jungkook was putting him through. Jungkook felt horrible every time he had to do this to him, but it was the only way.

And the worst part about all of this was that Tom didn't go away.

- I can't believe... - Tom started with a taunting voice and Leo tried to take Jungkook away again, but every time he tried to move him the pain got worse, so he grimaced, making Jungkook grimace himself. - ...look who's always ready to throw the first punch, eh? - He leered, and Jungkook couldn't anymore, this was no game.

- Tom, please. - Jungkook pleaded, honestly in pain as he looked at Leo's tortured expression, eyes closed shut and teeth clenched as his hands were still trying to take Jungkook away, injuring himself further. - Please, go away, please. - He was desperate now, it pained him to see Leo suffering. He could feel Tom's presence still with them and looked at him, to plead with his eyes.

Tom was looking at him with an unreadable expression, eyebrows knotted and eyes filled with something Jungkook couldn't comprehend, looking at him with the same honesty of last night until his feet started taking him away.

- Come... back here... you... - Leo tried to speak through clenched teeth, he was shaking.

- Leo, count to ten, come on, do it. - Jungkook pleaded.

How many times has he done this, and still he would never get used to it? Leo sometimes has anger attacks. Since they met there were times when something specific happened that would set him off and he would kick and punch everything around him, scream, insult, and hurt other people, it was something really scary to watch, that was why he didn't have any other friends besides Emily, she was the only kid who wanted to help him enough to stay and then realize that he was a good friend. And when Leo told them it was even scarier to experience, to lose a sense of what was happening and only feel rage, they started the task of learning how to help his friend.

They didn't want to get grown-ups involved, they were afraid they would take him away or something like that, so they told no one. For everybody else, it would just look like a violent person, but the reality was that Leo couldn't control this on his own, it just happened, not frequently, going hard in the gym helps, but it still happens. The last one before this one had been almost a month ago, Jungkook even forgot about it.

There's nothing worse for Jungkook and Emily than to see their friend babbling incoherently, completely out of it until he slowly wakes up again, and his teeth softly get unclenched. And he lets go of Jungkook, as his eyes start to fill with tears.

- Come on. - Jungkook whispered, softly and gently detaching himself from Leo, grimacing as Leo hissed in pain, a tear rolling down his cheek. And Jungkook turned around to unlock his door again and let Emily guide Leo inside, then closed the door again. Leo went straight to the bathroom and splashed water on his face for a while. When he was finished, he went back to the room, looking down at the floor. - Is your chest alright? - Jungkook asked in a near whisper. Leo didn't answer, he just looked to the floor. - I'm sorry. - Jungkook apologized, his throat closing.

- Don't apologize. - Leo answered, at last, his voice was tired. - I needed it, didn't I? - He was mad at himself now.

- It's not your fault, Leo. - Emily neared him, but he took a step back; wanting to stay away from her every time one of those attacks was finished, fearing that he might just lose it again with her so near, a fear he had told them years ago. So she stopped her approach and talked to him from a distance. - It really isn't your fault, Leo, and you did nothing wrong in the end. -

- Jungkook had to help me. -

Jungkook took a deep breath.

- You're stronger than that, knock it off. - Jungkook got closer to him, and Leo looked up at him. - You're Leonardo Bellamy, future criminal lawyer, and our strongest best friend. There's no shame in getting angry at times, and we seem to know it better than you do. Also, - Jungkook grabbed his shoulder in comradery. - I will always be here to help you if you need me, with anything and everything, anywhere you are. - He smiled at him as a soft smile started to appear on Leo's face and Emily got closer again, grabbing his hand in both of hers.

- Me too. Silly, Leon. - They all chuckled softly and Leo went to hug her, Jungkook let go of his shoulder to let him and when he detached himself from Emily, he looked way better.

- Who has the bestest of friends in this world? - Leo taunted with a smile.

- I do, obviously. - Jungkook rolled his eyes jokingly, and Leo pushed his shoulder with a laugh.

- Are we ready to go to class then? - Emily asked, her hand still holding Leo's, and Jungkook noticed something.

- Hey, where's your bag? - He asked Leo, only now noticing the absence of his backpack.

- Finn offered to take it to the classroom for me, so I said why not. - He shrugged.

Jungkook saw something in what he said, not in the way he said it, Leo seemed to think it was cool, just in the fact that Finn did something like that.

- Ok then, let's go. Today will be a good day. - Jungkook said brightly, feeling way better again, energized by their bond, and they smiled at him.

- Oh, look at you all happy. - Emily taunted him. - I wonder why that would be. - She faked intrigue with a huge smile on her face. And Jungkook felt himself blushing.

- Stooop. - He looked down at the floor as they walked to the door and Leo nudged him again, taunting him.

- You have to ask her how she feels today. - Emily said right away as Jungkook locked his bedroom door and they started walking.

- I was still going to, but why do you say that? - Jungkook asked, intrigued by the factual way in which she had said it.

- Because, - She got closer to him to whisper as they walked but Leo could still hear her as she was in their middle as always. - Yesterday you two did something... you know, and girls feel emotional once it's done, so just make sure you're really lovely today, she could be feeling a little embarrassed or self-conscious. - She finished and Jungkook shared a one-eyebrow-raised expression with Leo before talking to her.

- Why would she be feeling that? -

- Female responses after... you know what, are different from males. - She answered, still whispering. - She could also be sore, make sure she's not too sore, that could be wrong. - She finished, all worried for a girl that didn't even exist. And Jungkook was just taking it all in and trying to connect some dots to see if they fitted.

- Ok, something else? - He asked her while still thinking as they went to the cafeteria.

"Girls feel emotional once it's done". He felt emotional too, not sad but euphoric, he felt so in love with Taehyung. He smiled with sadness as they walked those cold corridors closer to the cafeteria. He wanted to be with Taehyung so badly.

- Not really, just make sure she's fine emotionally and physically. And be there, she could also be feeling the post... thingy attachment. - That caught his attention.

- The post-what attachment? - He asked low, looking down at her by his side.

- She could be feeling clingier than usual. Which is completely normal and you should not point it out to her, just let her be clingy. -

Oh... so... he's feeling clingy...

He's reacting like a woman.

A numbness washed over him like a fog, momentarily slowing his thoughts and feelings. Once the last conclusion he'd drawn from Emily's words had gone, the numbness faded, and he was left unscathed. While all of that happened on the inside, however, Jungkook remained expressionless until his mind was driven back to Taehyung and he smiled again, having a lapsus of the last moment.

Jungkook shook his head to clear it as they entered the cafeteria.

They were only able to buy something fast to take with them to class. The cook looked at him from the other side of the kitchen with a sad smile and he smiled back at him, feeling kind of guilty.

As he waited for Emily and Leo to get their things, he leaned against a wall close to the tables and caught the conversation closest to him.

- Did you hear? - A guy said excitedly to his friends. - There's been more sightings. It's like they're surrounding London. -

He heard the others gasp and turned around to see the guy had shown them a picture of an article on his phone.

It was a news article. Jungkook turned away immediately and, upon noticing Leo and Emily were getting close to him, started to walk back to the door.

Today was a good day, nothing will darken it, not even the weather. He had his friends, he had Taehyung, he had more love than he could ever dream of, why get gloomy?

The answer to that question came to him in his "Introduction to Latin American Philosophy" class. His need for Taehyung started to grow, and the lack of him made the need become a cloud over him. The need to see him, just to see him, was making it impossible to concentrate. So he tried to breathe in deeply and remind himself that he will see him later that day.

It was far into the lesson when he looked up and saw Professor Vitulus facing the class instead of the board that he noticed something that made him pay attention. Such close attention, in fact, that Garrett stopped typing to look sideways at him.

Her eyes were beautiful. Green, so green that he could look at the color clearly from this distance. They were different from Finn's, even if they were both green. If Finn's resemble a forest, her's resemble a jewel.

He felt a nudge by his side and looked. Garrett was frowning, a bit confused, and Jungkok realized he had been leaning forwards on the table, his eyes wide as he looked at her. Immediately, he snapped out of it and continued to work.

Further into the lesson, when he noticed Garrett getting his hands away from his computer, he leaned back in his chair and chose to continue the thought he had begun the last class on Monday. He'd been taught that only women could fall in love with men because of hormones in their brains. But now that he thinks about it, he wonders. A woman should react that way or does react that way? The difference matters. Since he met Taehyung, he found out that the difference between "should" and "does" exists and matters, because it would change a lot in how he was trying to work out his theories.

If a woman does react that way, and he's reacting that way, it would enhance the theory that he's wrong in the brain. But if a woman should react that way, it could mean that not all women do so, meaning that it is not a reaction because of how their brains are -neurologically speaking- but because of how each person is as an individual, and if it is not about nature but nurture then there would be nothing wrong with Jungkook's brain.

But the thing is, if this second theory is the right one, then it would mean that the theory that only women can fall in love with men because only women's brains can do so, would be wrong, and if that's proven to be correct then the whole system shatters. If it is about nurture and not nature, then men could also find other men beautiful, not because there's something wrong in their brains but because they simply can do it. Just like some people can find beauty in flowers much more than other people do. It could be the growth in that individual's personal feelings without it meaning they had HMD.

And, if this theory is proven correct, then, what would dictate that a man had HMD if this man just had the normal ability to find men attractive without him feeling attraction to them in any monstrous way, (wanting to harm, to tear, to kill the person of the same gender, as Jungkook has been told)? Because that's what it is, that's what they told them, that HMD gets worse with time until the person becomes completely violent like an animal but it always starts with the innocent closeness to one's own sex "which is wrong".

"If a kid shows signs of HMD, the parent or guardian must take them to have an HMD test with a Psychiatrist" But what if it is innocent? What if the kid just likes their gender more in an innocent, lovable way? What if it's not HMD in the slightest but because the kid has an attraction to their own gender they're immediately mistaken saying that said kid is developing a mental illness instead of just flourishing normal healthy feelings?

But what if... What if the ones that said HMD got completely violent like animals because they were treated like animals?

Jungkook remembers all those times he needed love, all those times he needed a hug so desperately that he scratched at his skin, all those times that he needed physical connection so badly that he started fist fights at school, and all of that violent behavior was for lack of love. What if he never met Taehyung? Would he have ended like one of the animals, in the streets, snatching anything and everything that moves just for a little connection? Are those monsters of the night attacking people because they didn't have any love and they're so desperate that they succumbed to their impulses? Just like Jungkook, succumbing to his impulse to hold Taehyung's face even if he knew it was wrong, succumbing because it felt right, because it felt good, because it was just the kind of connection he longed for.

What did all this mean then? If being with Taehyung is wrong, then why would it have helped him not become one of those monsters instead of making him one? Why then did his head get clearer after he started being with Taehyung? Why does he feel stronger? Braver? Smarter even? Beautiful and important? Loved and cared for? If it really means that he's wrong in the head then how is it that he's feeling healthier since they met? Yes, he had felt a very strong need to be with Taehyung all the time, but if he really wanted to concentrate on his surroundings, he'd be able to do it. He's not stupid because of these feelings, he has grown thanks to having them.

Could it be that he's completely wrong with every single theory and they both are the only exception to the rule? But wait... he's not the only one, the night before with Tom and Jimin... Tom's words suggested that he could feel an attraction to men, seeing how he confessed he liked Jungkook...

He doesn't even know if what Tom said about him liking Jungkook was even true or not with the way he was acting again this morning like last night hadn't even happened. Or if Jimin and Tom were together or not. He'll have to think more about that later. Or not.

So, Taehyung and himself are not the only exceptions to the rule. That alone could sustain the theory that every single human is different and no one gender acts a certain way because of how their brains are physically but because of how they are on the inside, completely shattering the system society lives by which is by rules and lines every gender must follow.

At the end of those thoughts, he ended up having more questions than answers, but the answers were like gold to him. Most of all, the theory of it not being nature but nurture. He doesn't know if it's real, he's afraid to know the answer. But, for now, he just knows that it makes sense and that's enough for him for the moment. It was better to believe.

The class was interesting enough with all the effort the teacher put into it, using both the board and the projector, being visual when explaining something and even making some drawings on the board of how the Spanish philosophy ended up in Latin America when Spanish conquerors founded the first schools. But even with all that, it still didn't spark anything new in Jungkook, it was interesting of course, everything he didn't know was interesting to him, there was just something personal he didn't like about this class, but he couldn't tell what it was exactly.

So those were some long three hours sitting on that chair. At some point, he asked Garrett if he had missed anything important from the classes that he'd missed so far, Human Nature, American Philosophy, and Introduction to formal logic, but he reassured him that it was just like in this class, nothing but an introduction. He did say that Introduction to formal Logic looked really nice, so that excited Jungkook. Garrett even asked him if he will go to Asian Philosophy later that day, and without a doubt, he said yes which made Garrett smile a little. He wanted to learn more about Taehyung's roots.

The moment Mrs. Vitulus ended the class, he closed his laptop with a snap. And Garrett chuckled beside him as he pocketed it.

- Excited to get out. Again. - Garrett said in a low voice and Jungkook grinned as he grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder.

- To get to the library, yes. - Maybe he had said too much, but Garrett didn't seem to think too much of it.

- Have fun... I guess. - He chuckled, and Jungkook could see that he didn't really think the library was a fun place. - I'll go meet with Alex. Bye. -

- Bye. - They farewelled when they got out of the classroom and Jungkook turned to walk quickly, but not hurriedly, to the library, which was kind of far from where he was right now.

A sudden memory struck him as he went: Namjoon at the library with that Professor. It came to him so abruptly that he felt the breath getting knocked out of him, and now he was running to go not to the library but to the main garden, in front of the Library's main door. An idea came to him of how he could have many questions answered by a reliable source.

Namjoon... He would also be an exception to the rule.

He needed to talk to him, but not like they did when they first met, he needed Namjoon to trust him enough to open up to him so he was sure he was being honest. And for that to happen, he had a plan.

He sat down at the bench he had been on the day before and took out his sketchbook to finish the drawing of the main door to the library. Luckily, there wasn't much left to finish, so, in just about ten or fifteen minutes, he was done. Gently and carefully, he ripped the paper from the sketchbook, then, he ripped off two more and, combining origami with some cuts here and there, he ended up with a successful envelope which he marked "Namjoon" and softly pocketed the drawing inside, then, he ripped off one more page and wrote down:

To: Namjoon.

Happy Birthday.

From: The one who let the books fall yesterday.

And then folded the page to put inside the envelope as well. Confident that this will work, he put his sketchbook and pencil case back inside his bag and got up hurriedly to run towards the library, going up the three long steps and then entering.

The library's beauty hit him differently when entered from the main door, making him momentarily breathless as he stared around. After a couple of seconds, his eyes landed far inside the library at the Librarian's desk and he went straight toward it.

After a long walk, he got to the desk and noticed the Librarian... Kacy? She was alone as always and reading a book.

- Hi. - He greeted her and she looked up with a smile, but then when she saw him her smile went softer, just like the day before.

- Hello dear, what do you need today? -

Jungkook chuckled sheepishly, her big, pale blue eyes were almost piercing, even behind her glasses.

- Well, Namjoon told me today was his birthday so I brought him something. - He showed her the closed envelope and her smile grew even more.

- Oh, how wonderful. Would you like me to call him? So you can give it to him yourself? - She sounded so happy and... almost like a mother, happy for her child, with her soft and gentle voice.

- No, no, I'm sure he's busy. I hoped that you'll be able to deliver it for me, Ms. Kacy. - He gently left the envelope on the table and her smile was very sweet.

- You can call me Kacy, dear. I'll make sure he gets it. - She nodded as she took the envelope like it was something very delicate.

- Thank you, Kacy. - He bowed his head a little, and then, with a satisfied smile, headed towards the side stairs to the second floor.

His heart was still in his throat at what he had just done, the excitement was still running through him while he went up the stairs. That had felt like he was on some secret mission or something like that... But this was a secret mission.

When he got to the end of the stairs, he passed the wooden, round table and followed the railing to the--

He did a double take on the railing and looked again to the first floor. Kaci wasn't there anymore.

The excitement started to bubble into panic as he realized that Namjoon will get that cryptic message in a short amount of time and he wasn't ready to face him yet, he wasn't ready to look into his eyes as Namjoon realized he had heard him and a man together, he wasn't ready to...

No. He was. Yes, he was, he was ready. Jungkook shook his head trying to clear the panic away as he took a step forward again towards the labyrinth-like shelves.

One foot inside the line of the shelves was all it took for his mind to clear entirely, like wind sweeping away grains of salt over a granite table and cleaning it again, revealing the clear picture of Taehyung. He took slow steps onwards, rounded the shelves, took the left and a right, and, in his mind, there was only the memory of him the previous night. The memory of his eyes, his smile, and him made the flutter in his stomach get unbearably sweet and nervous with every step he took closer to their secret place. Two feelings were tearing him apart, the wish to get to him as fast as he could and the sudden but strong nerves he couldn't describe.

It struck him then that he was feeling shy. It should've been obvious as it was daytime and he was bound to be. But no matter. With a determined mind and a strong desire to rid himself of this awful feeling that was anything but powerful, he took a deep breath. But the moment he was right about to round the last shelf to the dead-end alley of books, he froze. The butterflies in his stomach were so much that he wanted to squeak as he jumped in his place, bubbling with excitement, and he still didn't even know if Taehyung was on the other side or not. This had to be what it was like to have a crush. Tough... Taehyung was much, much more than that.

With a deep breath, he calmed down and placed one foot on the side of the bookshelf. The tip wasn't even on the other side of it, and he slowly leaned forward to peek at the other side.

But he wasn't there.

Jungkook stepped inside the dead end and sure enough, Taehyung hadn't arrived yet even if Jungkook had taken a good extra twenty minutes since he finished his class to get here. He stepped in intending to sit down to wait for him, ignoring the downfall of all the previous excitement and reassuring himself that Taehyung would come sooner or later, reminding himself that Taehyung was a Professor and he was in all his right to be busy with work. Not that he wouldn't be in all his rights to be busy with something else, it's not like Jungkook expected him to put him as his main priority, he was a father after all... and a husband...

Jungkook sat down, noticing as he did so that he didn't have his usual book with him, but not really caring. He didn't understand why all of a sudden he felt insecure about himself, it was ridiculous that he would feel this way. Taehyung had responsibilities to take care of and none of them were him, he had no responsibility to be with him, he was just with him... No, that wasn't the best way to word it out, it just made him feel worse. Taehyung had a lot of responsibilities aside from their... bond? Yes, he'll call it that, a bond. But would it be a responsibility? Jungkook didn't feel it was, in the sense that he wanted to be with Taehyung not because it was a duty but because it filled him with inexplicable joy. He wanted to be with Taehyung, and Taehyung wanted to be with him.

So, Taehyung had a lot of responsibilities he had to take care of, and, when he was done, he'll come back to him. Yes, that felt way better. Another exciting thought came to him, of how Taehyung's smile would look when he suddenly saw him sitting there waiting for him this time instead of the other way around. With a smile, he took out his sketchbook but paused.

If Namjoon was looking for him as he was bound to be, he had to be somewhere where he could be found.

As that dawning realization hit him, his smile disappeared. He'll have to talk to Namjoon, so he can't wait for Taehyung here. He thought of an idea that could allow him to see when Taehyung arrived and also let him talk to Namjoon alone... The round, wooden table in front of the side stairs.

With new purpose, he put his sketchbook back in his bag and got up, swinging it over his shoulder and getting out the way he came. Just as easy as always. He got to the railing and saw downstairs at Kacy's table. She still hasn't returned, which could mean that he still had time to think. So he walked to the table, looking around at the other ones a good way away and for the first time looking at the other side of the stairs. Not the way he always takes to the encyclopedias but the other one. How many other hiding places could there be? And how many were used to hide secret lovers?

He mused on that as he sat down on the place facing the stairs to be able to see when Taehyung arrived.

He sat there, looking around for a while. The nerves and excitement as he waited for Namjoon were palpable. He had written that note with precision. Kaci will tell Namjoon that it had been him, the boy he helped get to the Philosophy section that other day, the one who made him that present, and when he saw the note, he'll figure out two things, one was that Jungkook had realized what was happening at the other side of that shelve, and the other one was that Jungkook had let the books fall on purpose. And a third one would be that Jungkook not only knew but wanted to talk to him as there was no way a stranger would just paint a gift for another without a purpose. It was a request to meet.

Jungkook just hoped that Namjoon wouldn't take his note as a threat.

He took out a pen and his sketchbook to distract himself, and, as he opened it up, another memory came to him. Tom. The memory of Tom came to him because he had been thinking about cryptic messages.

Jungkook looked down and began to draw the image he had in front of him of the stairs as he thought.

He wasn't sure if Tom's words meant little to him now because he had been sleepy then or because Tom had been making little sense even then. He had certainly withheld information at various points, for example, when he had been "explaining" why he couldn't ignore him, he had stopped and said that it was impossible after he knew him. But, if he was so infatuated, why was he an asshole? He said he wanted to break him to "free" him from a "life of robots", but he'd done nothing more than make him angry on purpose like this morning. This morning, Jungkook had to beg him to stop. Tom had done nothing to help him so far, one confession in the middle of a fight didn't count because he hadn't been helping him, he had been enraging him.

But, if Tom had been lying about liking him, what else had he been lying about? Were those men he mentioned even real? Does he actually know about the white pavilion in the woods or was he only looking for Jungkook to let his guard down?

And what was it with that pavilion in the first place? Why had he never heard of it? Why does the man of the University stop when the white path stops if the grounds went further in?

Why were the encyclopedias hard to enter for everyone else except Taehyung and himself?

Did he really want to know the answer to all these questions?

- Jungkook... - A scared, hurried whisper called him from behind.

And Jungkook jumped with fright.

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🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 22 <3 

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Your devoted writer,

Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

Go ahead with the next Chapter ->->->